Mistakes
by QuickSilverFox3
Summary: Sometimes a mistake will haunt you for a lifetime. Some mistakes will haunt you for even longer than that. Rated for implied child abuse, drug use, possible triggery situations, yaoi this is Hetalia . NiChu JapanxChina and implied others


**Okay, first Hetalia Fanfic. Hope I haven't butchered any characters . Any constructive criticism is appreciated, because I'm also thinking about posting this deviant art. So enough of my authors note and onto the story. **

Sometimes a mistake will haunt you for a lifetime. Some mistakes will haunt you for even longer than that.

"What's your name?"  
"My name is Kiku. What's yours?"  
"Yao. Are... you okay?"  
"I'm fine," Kiku sniffed, rubbing his cheek absentmindedly even though he knew that the red handprint would have been long gone by now. His eyes widened as the older boy sat down next to him and wrapped his arms around him, enveloping him in warmth. This was all that was needed for Kiku to break down into floods of tears that he had been trying so hard to contain.  
"Kiku?"  
"Uhuh?"  
"You're going to come and live with me now. I'll look after you."  
"Won't your parents mind?"  
"Nope."  
His mother did mind. It was quite a shock to the Chinese woman to come home and find her son sitting eating a rather well made dish of chicken lo mein with another extremely dishevelled little boy who looked far too thin for his own good. Even after hearing the explanation, and the whispered statement from Kiku, she still insisted upon calling the little boy's parents. After a brief two minute phone conversation, she  
abruptly hung up on them and started to dial another number.  
"Who are you calling?" whispered Kiku, automatically cringing backwards when she looked at him.  
"My lawyer. We're re-adopting you from those- those-. Anyway, you are going to live with us even if it kills me."  
Yao smiled and hugged Kiku, who after a moment of panic relaxed and gingerly hugged him back.

"Bet you 2000 yen that they end up together."  
"I bet 1500 for!"  
"3000 against!"  
"You're on!"  
"Aah. I never tire of taking money from you."  
"They're... Well Yao is 7 and the little boy-"  
"Kiku"  
"-is about 6 I think."  
"E's got lovely manners for a 6 year old."  
"Excuse me."  
All of the gossiping servants turned as one to look at Mrs Guójiā.  
"We'll just be getting back to work now."  
"That's what I thought you were doing."

000ooo000  
"Yao?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Can I come with you?"  
"Not yet Xiǎo yī. You're not old enough."  
"Hmph!"

"Aaaah!"  
"Ssh!"  
"But he's!"  
"Don't care!"  
"But!"  
"Ah!"  
"Fine..."

Yao crouched down so he was level with the smaller boy. Kiku was stubbornly refusing to look at him. Instead he was staring straight out the window at the falling snow.  
"You can come with me in four months, 'kay?"  
"Promise?"  
"I promise,"  
Kiku shuffled closer to him, peeking up from under his long eyelashes. Then quickly, before he lost his nerve, he threw his arms around Yao for a long moment. Yao hugged him back gently.  
"Love you Kiku."  
"Love you Yao."

"Oh my god!"  
"What?" "What happened?" "Did you try to think again?"  
"I need a moment."  
"Okay then."  
"... I need a moment."  
"Oh. See you." "Bye."  
"Well?"  
Squeals drifted up from the kitchen and echoed faintly around the large house.  
"Really?"  
"Really!"  
Inside the shed the two others looked at each other. "We're gonna lose that bet aren't we?"  
"Yeah. I don't really mind losin' this bet so much..."  
"Unless of course they make us play a penalty game..."

"..."  
"Jesus."  
"You said it."

000ooo000  
Yao hit the floor as a fist swung through the air directly where his head had been. Snarling, he threw himself into the older boy, sinking his teeth into the flesh of the boys arm. Grasping hands descended upon him but he snarled and dug his teeth and nails in harder. Behind him Kiku whimpered with his pale hands still clamped tightly over his ears, knees pulled up to his chest as he struggled to draw breath. At the sound of that whimper, Yao let out a howl of pure rage and grabbed the first thing he could lay his hands on: a wok. He brought it down on the older boy's body again and again. The boy however managed to overpower Yao as the crowd of children jeered and laughed, even as his hands closed around Yao's throat.

He couldn't breathe… already black spots were beginning to appear in the corner of his vision, before… CLANG! Kiku stood unsteadily behind the boy clutching Yao discarded wok tightly in his hands. He managed to squeeze out from under the now unconscious child and wrapped his arms gently around Kiku's trembling form.  
"WHAT IS GOING ON HERE!" screeched their teacher who had just walked back in to the sight of half the classroom covered in a fine dusting of flour and sugar, one unconscious child, all of the class looking guiltily up at her and two boys wrapped in a tight embrace.

Yao raised his head slightly and glared at the teacher. With blood smeared on his face he was the very picture of an unholy demon. She stormed across the room and grabbed his arm, dragging him out of the room and up the corridor to the principal's office. Throughout the whole ordeal, Yao kept silent, Kiku's whispered words echoing in his head: "Arigatōgozaimasu. Watashi wa anata o aishite."  
When his mother finally managed to be contacted she took the news very well considering the language the teacher used; words like 'vicious assault' and 'unbelievable ferocity' were used freely in his hearing with the (wrong) assumption that he couldn't understand them.

"Eeh! You'll never guess what I just heard!"  
"We've won the bet!" "We're getting a holiday!" "It's pancakes for tea!"

"What? I like pancakes."  
"Well? What is it?"  
"Well, Susan told me that she heard from Martha that Emily said that Tom said that Bradley had said-"  
"For God's sake woman, just tell us!"  
"Master Yao's been excluded from school because 'e attacked another student who was picking on little Kiku!"

Squeals could be heard all around the house once again.  
"My ears! My ears!"  
"Poor Kiku! Is he okay?"  
"We have to show him that we're proud of him."  
"Proud of which one?"  
"Both!"  
"What happens if the mistress finds out?"  
"She won't!"

"Why did you do it Yao?" asked his mother as she managed to keep one eye on the road and still look at the scowling boy in the passenger seat. It had been a struggle to get him into the car and he had at one point attempted to climb out the car window.  
"He was going to hurt Kiku," Yao stated slumped in the car seat, occasionally tugging on the constricting belt.  
"Why then, didn't you go get the teacher?" At this Yao fixed his mother with a burning glare. She reflexively cringed away from him, fighting the urge to keep both eyes on her child.  
"She doesn't believe us. She never has. I am not going to watch Kiku get hurt when I can do something about it." She nodded.  
"Wait… What do you mean never has?" Her grip on the steering wheel tightened. She was extremely protective over the two boys, only slightly less protective of Kiku than Yao was.  
"They've been teasing the both of us ever since he started that school. I protected him and he protected me."

He had never thought about Kiku, his Kiku ever being able to protect himself. He didn't pry into Kiku's past out of respect, but now that he thought about it, it made sense. The day had started out normally enough, with the both of them arriving at school together as they always did. Then the whispers started. They had followed them around the school and by lunchtime both of them were twitching with annoyance. Then the boy had approached them, sneer curling his most likely handsome face. He had slammed Yao's face into the table and when Kiku had seen the blood running freely down Yao's face, he lost it.

He never showed his emotions on his face, but Yao knew him well enough to read the subtle signs: Kiku was livid. He still didn't understand exactly how Kiku had managed to fit the boy into the rubbish bins that were below the high windows considering Kiku was always going to be considered 'small'. He hadn't been punished for it, mainly because none of the teachers would believe that 'a sweet, innocent, lil thing' like Kiku could do a horrendous thing like that. When Yao told his mother this she nearly swerved into the opposite lane, she was laughing that hard.  
"Do you want to go back there? I can make that boys life hell, you know," his mother asked as she attempted to fight with her own seatbelt while Yao blinked up at her.  
"No we're good. Kiku will have got him for me."  
"You two are always looking out for each other. It's sweet."  
"We'll always be together Mǔqīn. Forever and ever"

000ooo000  
"Right class. We are going on a trip to a neighbouring school in the next district. They have dorms so you'll be sleeping over for the week. If anyone's parents have problems or if you do not wish to be separated from someone-"At this her gaze landed disdainfully on to Yao and Kiku who was half-asleep on his lap. "Please get them to contact the school. Off you go."

The class erupted into screams and the pattering of feet as everyone charged out bar Yao and Kiku. He struggled to his feet still carrying the now-sleeping Kiku out of the classroom and off on the walk home.  
"Don't worry! The hero is here to protect you!" This was all the warning that Yao received before a heavy object collided with him knocking all three of them or at least that's what Yao first thought. Then he realised that there was three of them lying on the floor: him on the bottom with his arms pinned to the floor; an unknown boy lying on top of him with his glasses still perched on the edge of his nose a bomber jacket on and his hand wrapped securely around the wrist of the third boy who looked like an English gentleman with piercing green eyes.  
"Oh la la. What a petit garçon mignon!"

The voice came from somewhere at Yao's feet. "Get off of me. Where's Kiku?" Yao snarled fixing the boy with glasses with a glare.  
"Who are you? Where's Yao?" Yao managed to roughly push the self-proclaimed hero, for that is what he had yelled before barrelling into Yao, off of him causing him to land in the posh boy's lap who started swearing using the most archaic words Yao had ever heard outside of a historical drama. His attention though was completely fixated on the other blonde boy was had his arms coiled around a very uncomfortable Kiku who was looking decidedly sick as the boy's hand travelled further up his leg. With a strangled gasp the boy's hand was removed from Kiku's leg. The rest of the boy followed swiftly as Kiku threw him using a simple throw causing him to slam into the two boys who had just managed to get back up again.

Without another word, Yao wrapped an arm around Kiku and started walking with him back home. Kiku smiled up at him and placed his own hand over Yao's slightly shaking one as they walked.  
"… Are they dating?"  
"I think so, mon ami."  
"Aren't you forgetting something important Alfred, Francis?"  
"No." "Non."  
"You're still sitting on me!"

The next day the small class from the Riverview Academy were all loaded onto the bus and were driven to the Hetalia Academy which was in the next town over to theirs, which meant there was quite a lot of travel in between the two towns. Despite this neither Yao nor Kiku had met someone from the other school, or at least to Yao's knowledge. They pulled up which prompted everyone to press their faces to the closest window they could find, with some unfortunate people either being pushed onto the floor or winding up being squished up against the glass. Fortunately Yao and Kiku were not one of those few, mainly because of where they had had to sit, which was sharing the window seat next to a tall Russian boy who had a long pink scarf wound tightly around his neck. He spent the whole journey smiling unwaveringly at Yao who as a result had winded up practically siting on Kiku's lap.

The Hetalia academy was made up of a series of smaller interconnecting buildings made out of a simple dark stone, which seemed like it would last forever. Small groups of people were gathered at varying intervals along a winding path that connected all the buildings. Once again when they were all ushered out of the bus and told to go and see if they knew anybody, Yao lost Kiku. This was happening far too often for Yao's liking. He preferred it when Kiku was his and only his (he knew that it would never last, but he could try).

"Mon petit garçon mignon! Have you come to visit me again?"  
It was better than nothing. Yao whipped his head around trying to pinpoint the French boy's location in the crowds of people, before a hand landed on his arm.  
"You wish to find him, da? He is over there," the Russian, Ivan Yao remembered, pointed in the opposite direction.  
"Thank you Ivan."  
"You are welcome. You will become one with Russia, da?"  
"No, Ivan."

Kiku was surprised to find Arthur rescuing him from the crowd of people and then from Francis again. He hadn't yet told Yao but he had become close friends with Arthur from a chat room and had only met him properly a few days before he was pulled into Yao. It had been all he could do to signal frantically to him while the French boy had violated his personal space, something which still made him shudder. Arthur was smiled slightly at Kiku, resting one hand on his shoulder while the other was placed firmly on Francis' forehead.  
"Your friends are strange, Arthur-san," Kiku observed as he watched the American, Alfred eat several hamburgers at the same time.  
"I know. But they have their own charm, I guess… after a while. Actually I don't know why I'm friends with them sometimes."  
Kiku laughed at this before he felt a familiar set of arms wrap around him.  
"Ohio Yao. I've been meaning to tell you. This is my friend Arthur-san and his friends."

Yao gave him a strange look. "I didn't know that you knew anyone from Hetalia Academy," he said slowly, a look of utter betrayal beginning to form in his eyes.  
"It was for that project. The one where we had to go onto the chat-room and we were assigned a person at random? That one? I accidently met him when I was getting food in the market"  
Yao nodded his betrayed expression going away. Then the teacher called everyone together, Kiku was next to Yao with their hands firmly intertwined.  
000ooo000

"Happy Birthday little Kiku!" "'appy Birt'day!" "Happy Birthday! " "Eee, it seems just like yesterday that Master Yao brought you home!"  
Yao snapped his head up and glared at the small group who had just burst into the room, but his expression softened when Kiku laughed with joy and held up his hands to show them the gleaming katana that he held gently in his hands. They all laughed and waited until he had placed the sword carefully away and Yao had stopped glaring at them. He was extremely protective of the other boy, so much so that they were starting to panic about what would happen if Kiku left or worse _died_. Yao simply would not be able to handle it. And with that they would plaster the smiles back on their faces and none of them would ever let Mrs Guójiā, Master Yao or little Kiku see how terrified they were for them. But sometimes a quick look at Mrs Guójiā's face would stop them from feeling so scared; after all it revealed that she was scared enough for the lot of them.  
000ooo000

The two boys ran down the pathway, laughing and chatting as they did so.  
"Come on Yao! Just try it!"  
Yao laughed nervously and eyed the glass syringe which was pressed into his hands by Arthur. The boy's green eyes glinted in an unspoken challenge. He rolled up his own sleeve and pressed the cool metal point against the crook of his elbow. Yao watched the change pass over Arthurs face as the drug entered his bloodstream. Yao swiftly injected the opium into his own arm and soon he was in heaven.  
"Yao? Yao!"

Dimly he realised that the syringe was gone; the syringe that held his precious opium. He snarled and attempted to snatch it back from the tortuous person who was keeping it from him. Strong hands grabbed his wrists and forced him to stop struggling. He went limp and the hands released his wrists, then he struck them across the face. The wail that reached his ears was enough to snap him out of the drug haze that he had become so accustomed to while smoking opium.  
"Kiku! Kiku I'm so sorry! I didn't realise-"  
"That I would find out that you were _lying_ to me Yao? You said that you wanted to protect me and that you would _never_ lie to me!"

"Kiku please-"  
"No! I told you Yao, you either choose the drug or me. And it looks like you've made your choice."  
Kiku knelt down and hugged Yao tightly pushing his wet cheek against Yao's for what felt like the last time. "Wǒ ài nǐ. But I cannot live seeing you like this so maybe without me you will change, because while you may not be very good at keeping promises you did the one thing I trusted you never to do. You hit me Yao. You are just like them. Goodbye."  
And then Kiku was gone. Yao lay on the floor mind whirling. With an almost inhuman howl he snatched up the hated syringe and plunged it back into his arm. He needed the numbness, which would help him forget… forget everything.  
000ooo000

The day had started out normally enough, with Yao and Kiku making a mess out of the kitchen while making their breakfasts and managing to tidy it up with roughly the same amount of mess being created. They were shooed out of the house and had disappeared into the vast gardens that surrounded the house, just in time.

Shouts ripped apart the morning air. Kiku looked up at Yao from his perch with his feet in the koi pond, the woven flowers around his head falling slightly into his eyes.  
"Yao? Why didn't you help me Yao? You left me and it's all your FAULT!"

Yao shot bolt upright in his bed and ran his hands through his loose hair as he gazed frantically around the small room. He hated himself ever since he drove Kiku away from him with the opium. It had taken him a while but he had finally stopped using it, thanks to his mother. He could still hear the words she had screamed at him: "What happens if Kiku comes back? Do you want him to see you like this?" He had sealed himself up in Ivan's house for weeks, hiding in equal parts from temptation (Arthur) and Ivan's insane younger sister Natalia who seemed to take his mere presence in Ivan's life as a personal insult to her. His older sister was… strange as well as she regularly sewed up her own clothes after they popped open.

Now he only had to hide from Natalia after Arthur came around with a black eye and a busted nose and apologised profusely to him by at first yelling up to him and then to his face after Yao came outside. What he said at the end of his mumbled apology confused Yao the most though: "Kiku really does love for you. He is willing to hurt himself to help you." Kiku did not love him. Kiku hated him, which was why he had left and broke Yao's heart. It was only now he realised that what people had been saying was true; he was in love with Kiku but not like a brother or a friend like he had thought, but romantically. And now his chance was gone. Kiku was gone and Yao had to get his life back in order just like Kiku would want if he still cared.

"Thank you Katyusha. Here's what we agreed on."  
"T-Thank you. You don't have to do this you know."  
"Yes I do. It's like Arthur-kun said: I will hurt myself to help Yao. This is the only way. Goodbye."  
"Bye"  
000ooo000

When Yao found Kiku again, he had stopped looking for him. He had rebuilt his life, worked so hard to. And then he looked for him. He searched everywhere, every country they had talked about visiting when they were children with no way of knowing how things would turn out; but no luck with finding Kiku. Yao had given up and settled for surviving this life and being reunited with his beloved Kiku in the next, when the unexpected happened as it is so prone to doing.

Yao whistled tunelessly as he wandered down the bustling street with his hands pushed into his deep pockets. He had changed over the five years that Kiku had been gone, even though his heart still ached every time he thought about him. He wore a dark green shirt with an emblem of a cartoon panda on the front with darker green trousers with black boots and a military jacket. A red bandana was tied around his left arm- the strange blend of clothes always brought a few curious stares. He walked past a new café before stopping dead. There in the window, _mocking him_, was a familiar drawing, one he had seen time and time again. With trembling hands he reached into his inside pocket and pulled out a crumpled and faded piece of paper and held it up. The two were identical. Kiku had drawn this poster! It was one of his favourites to draw; two boys facing away from each other, but their hands still firmly intertwined back dropped against a sunrise.

He opened the door and the words were out of his mouth before the poor girl in front of him had finished speaking: "Where is he?"  
After receiving an extremely confused look he amended his sentence: "Where is the person who drew the picture for that poster?" He also took a step away from the small girl as a man who Yao guessed was her brother, had pulled a gun from nowhere to point it at his head,  
"He comes in here sometimes. You wouldn't happen to be Yao?"  
Yao nodded mouth dry.  
"My name's Lilli and that's my brother Vash. I'm a friend of Kiku's. He asked me to keep an eye out for you. Though how he knew you would come here is beyond me."  
"This is one of the places we always said that we'd go to. Last one on the list actually."

He smiled weakly at the small innocent girl in front of him and she easily beamed back. Her brother was distracted from pointing the magically appearing gun at him by a customer who had just leant over the counter to talk to him. The gentleman (because you couldn't describe him as anything else) was doing a marvellous job of distracting Lilli's overprotective sibling that Yao felt safe enough to ask her the question that was burning a hole in his chest: "Do you know… where Kiku is?"

"Yes, he lives in-"  
"The Heiligtum apartments are on fire!"  
"-There."

Yao had never run so fast before in his life, Lilli's pale hand clasped tight in his own as she pulled him after her. For such a little girl she was strong; though everyone he knew with protective older siblings turned out to be strong. The apartments would have looked like a lovely place to live in on any other day; now… not so much. Flames gushed out of windows and the top half of the building had been engulfed by flames with only a vague silhouette to be seen.  
"There's still somewhere left in!"  
"Susanna, where are you?"  
"My house!"  
"Kiku! KIKU!"

That last shout caused Yao to go running off again, this time dragging little Lilli with him. He grabbed hold of the weeping girl's shoulders.  
"Where is Kiku?"  
"He… went back inside to Room 54. He said… he had to get his… katana…"  
She collapsed weeping into Lilli's arms.  
"No Yao don't-"

But Yao wasn't listening. He leapt over a fireman who was trying to shepherd people away from the building, unsuccessfully. Most of them seemed quite excited by the drama that was unfolding in front of their eyes. They were taking _pictures_! With a quick glance at the thankfully still intact sign Yao ran up the stairs, barely even noticing as the air became hotter and drier, with an acrid scent on the air. He did notice when his vision had been almost completely obscured by a thick wall of pitch black smoke and he was gasping for breath. He staggered into the wall and smacked his head against a sheet of plastic. Blearily he looked at it: **Rooms 50-60 this way**. Rooms 50-60, 50-60. 55 was after 50 and before 60 so Kiku was this way. He nodded and began to stagger down the hall. However he didn't make it very far before he landed on his stomach. He stared at the flickering lights that were reflected on the broken glass in front of him, before becoming distracted by the slight movement of the object that he had tripped over.

The object pushed himself up and stared at Yao with heartbreakingly familiar eyes.  
"Yao?"  
Before Yao could react a sharp crack caused the haze to disappear momentarily. He dived on top of Kiku as the roof collapsed on top of them both.  
000ooo000

When Yao came around he was prepared for many things; what he was not prepared for was to be screamed at by two very pissed off girls, threatened several times with castration, slapped twice and then have two said girls collapse into his arms weeping. He could only blink in bewilderment as they were gently escorted out of the room by a gentle looking nurse who then proceeded to praise Yao and call him an idiot in the space of a single sentence. It reminded him of his mother, and speak of the devil…

"YAO WANG!"  
The nurse reflexively moved out of the way of his mother and drew a tranquiliser from an inside pocket. When she realised what she was doing however she quickly left the room, taking Yao's last small chance of freedom with her.  
"If you weren't already severely injured I would slap you!"  
"Didn't stop Lilli and that girl."  
"Mei."  
"Mei. Wait how do you know her?"  
"What do you think that I've spent the last two months sitting by my son's bedside who left without a second glance and it took him a month to send his worried sick mother word of his well-being?"

Yao cast his eyes down. He had left his mother all alone with the compulsive gambling servants. "I had to go. You know that."  
"I know. But at least I got swifter updates from Kiku, than I did from you. No exact locations you understand. Just experiences and people like Mei and Lilli. Those girls are the most amazing gossipers. Did you know-"  
"Mǔqīn!"  
"Yes wǒ de érzi?"  
"Can I see Kiku?"  
"Why?"  
"…What?"  
"Why do you want to see him? You hurt him and drove him away. Why do you want to see him?"  
"Because I miss him."  
She sighed, the sigh of a mother who knows she is being lied to.  
"And?"  
"I love him."

Yao's head whipped around at the faint gasp that came from the ajar door. A familiar face peeked round the opening.  
"You love me? Really? I thought that… I didn't…"  
Yao made to get up prompting Kiku to yell and leap on top of him.  
"No! You are not supposed to be moving! You could have _died_ you complete and utter baka!"  
"I feel fine."  
Kiku huffed causing his nose to scrunch up and buried his face into the crook of Yao's neck and stayed there for several long moments. He mumbled something incoherently while he was there.  
"What?"  
"The bean that fell on us caused my katana to pierce through your chest. The doctor said that if it had been even a few millimetres either way you would have died."  
"And? I survived didn't I?"  
"Yao!" Kiku raised his head and looked Yao straight in the eyes. Tears glistened but Kiku was too proud and too stubborn to let them fall. "I could have killed you."  
"I've done worse Kiku. I drove you away, I deserved to die for that."  
Kiku slapped him. Then he kissed him and it was perfect. He had found his Kiku and now he was never letting him go.

Unknown to the two, outside the room Yao's mother smiled and shook her head at the two. She pulled a phone from her bag and dialled.  
"Hello?"  
"Hi, it's me. You lost the bet."  
"Damn really?"  
The shriek was audible even down the corridor.  
"…They were on the other line weren't they?"  
"Yes. Have fun!"  
And with that she hung up and peeked into her son's room again. It had taken them long enough to realise that they were perfect together and nothing could ever change that; in past lives, this life or their future lives.  
000ooo000

**So please review and tell me what you think. I'm sure you all know the drill by now: Flames will be ignored and I own nothing!  
** (\_/)

(='.'=)

(")_(")


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